Death wish
by Villemo
Summary: Sam & Jack, "'Do you have a death wish' (...) He hesitates. 'Not particularly...'" -why didn't Teal'c just 'dismember' the damn thing? Lost City pt.1 - Missing scene.


  
**Title:** Death wish 

**Author:** Villemo (villemo112@hotmail.com) 

Disclaimer: not mine, hmm – I wonder if there even are any… *checks story*, yeah okay, so there's like 3 Stargate names in this one, and I guess I don't own them, so… Be nice, don't sue. 

**Summary:** Sam has a question. And so do I: why didn't Teal'c just 'dismember' the damn thing? Lost City part 1. Sam&Jack. Missing scene.  
(Dear _god_ please read!!) + a little note for those of you that read 'Evil'  


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Excerpt: "Her eyes open, and his stings her with their penetrating gaze. There's surprise, confusion. and disappointment - with her? - _Yes._ A quiet reply. _And then I wouldn't_- _No_. - _And you thought of this_-. _Just now sir_... Her eyes close again at the stupidity"

Spoilers: Lost City part 1 & seasons 2's 'The Fifth Race' 

**AN**: Just one question: why didn't Teal'c 'dismember' the damn thing in Lost City part 1 - The Ancients depository of knowledge that is. He _did_ look into it in "The Fifth Race" and nothing happened, they even had this whole theory about _why_ (Teal'c = jaffa = associated with Goa'ulds --> etc etc)   
-- re-views episode --  
Okay, so there _may be_ a perfectly good explanation for that… *coughs* (oh darn)  
_But_ since it has such great 'fic potential' (and oh yeah, there's that little thing that the story is already written!) I think I'll give it a go anyway;)   
Enjoy!

**OFF TOPIC:** 'Evil' readers (no, not evil _readers_ *sighs*;) : In my mind the people on the coach were Sam & Jack, but to you, they can be anyone you want them to be ;p (pokes tongue at the lovely lovely readers who gave wonderful feedback - hmm, whoops, maybe not a good idea!;)   
Seriously: thank you for reviewing. Hopefully you'll like this one too :)  


~~oVo~~~~oVo~~~~oVo~~~~oVo~~ 

**[death wish]**

"Do you have a death wish?"  
he stares at her  
"Ehm, what?"  
"Do you have a death wish?"  
the question is repeated  
He hesitates  
"Not particularly.."  
She stares back, chews on the inside of her cheek, and then continues  
"Then why didn't you let Teal'c handle the..." she searches for a word "Ancients knowledge-depository?"  
"Teal'c?" he looks at her, his eyes puzzled.  
"Yes. When we were on.... "  
why can't she remember the designation?  
"…the first time you got. 'anciented'. Teal'c was the first one to look into the thing-"  
his eyes narrow  
"-and nothing happened"  
"Remember?"   
she adds the words uncertainly  
His brow furrows  
"I don't"  
Something clutches at her heart  
"We could have just...blasted it loose, and Teal'c could have carried it"  
She closes her eyes with force,  
what is the point now.  
"We could?"  
Her eyes open, and his stings her with their penetrating gaze,  
there's surprise, confusion. and disappointment.  
With her?  
"Yes", a quiet reply.  
"And then I wouldn't-"  
"No"  
"And you thought of this-"  
"Just now sir..."  
Her eyes close again at the stupidity.  
He sinks down into a chair, the mask of bravado temporarily removed, disturbed, forgotten,  
his hands finds his head and supports it.  
"God..."  
"How could we not-"  
the accusation stings as she takes it -why didn't you...  
"I'm sorry sir"   
the words are mumbled.  
His head lifts, his eyes bore into hers  
"Don't"  
it's a warning  
"just. don't"  
Her eyes squirm in his grip, then suddenly, finally, break loose and seek the floor.  
"It can't be your fault Carter"  
No. it can't be,  
because she couldn't -can't- live with that.  
"Sam.."   
Her ears hear the sound and her body wants to react.  
But it's her turn now,  
her turn to say it:  
"Don't."  
"just. don't…"

…  
The conversation continues,  
subdued.  
She's sitting beside him  
in the other chair, beside him.  
He reclaims his mask  
"We couldn't."  
there is only silence.  
Her eyes seem completely dry and like a breaking dam all at once.  
He turns, and notices, and repeats  
"We couldn't. - we couldn't have blasted it loose, there wasn't time"  
but there was  
"and-, we don't know for sure that it wouldn't have done the same thing to Teal'c"  
but they do. know.  
- she knows.  
But he didn't ask.  
and she didn't say.  
Can she live with that..?  
maybe there wasn't time after all,  
maybe it wouldn't have worked if it wasn't on that wall.  
"Maybe"  
Her eyes are hidden,  
the ache grows in her chest.  
He rises, takes her hand and tugs her up,  
hesitates, then:  
"I would never intentionally…"  
"- not anymore, Jesus. you gotta know that?"  
he lifts her chin.  
"no death wish okay"  
she stares at him, water in her eyes  
"-I've got things to live for"  
a thumb moves up to wipe the moisture away  
"-got things to wait for"  
He smiles,  
but it vanishes into a frown   
"Well at least I did.."  
He releases her.  
Her limp arms suddenly come to life, and she reaches up and clutches at him,  
at his shirt, his standard black military issue shirt,  
forces him closer.  
He resists.  
he resists?  
Her arms go limp again  
the doubts fly through her head  
wasn't it.. didn't he..  
He senses the sadness  
and then he's there, his breath on her skin, his mouth against hers.  
It's soft, and firm,  
the stubble on his chin grazing her cheek,  
enhancing the aching elation of the moment.  
His hand curls up into her hair  
"Jack"  
"Shh..." his voice hushes,  
while his hand finds its way to her ear,  
his fingers delicately tracing its form,   
before covering it,  
before whispering words,  
whispering three quiet words…

And then he's gone  
from her lips, from the room  
- but she heard.  
  
  
~~oVo~~~~oVo~~~~oVo~~~~oVo~~

As always: reviews are adored!  
(c) Villemo 2004

[oVo]


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